Hi, it’s me, Jenn. And I have something I need to share. 

This past year has been the most challenging year of my life. And I know the same is true for a lot of people. For some reason 2022 was full of sickness, hardship, and trials. 

I’ve gone back and forth on whether to share about this past year. Sharing it feels raw, intimate, and vulnerable. And it’s really scary to let people into your mess. But our world today is suffering in so many ways, one of the greatest being our mental health. 

When I hear stories like the suicide of Stephen “tWitch” Boss, it breaks my heart. But more so it gives me the encouragement to share my story so that maybe even just one person would feel less alone, and hopefully cause them to rethink such a devastating and final decision. 

It’s one thing to simply hear that our country is in a “mental health crisis.” It’s another thing to experience it and be right in the center of it. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that 46% of all Americans struggle with some kind of mental health. That’s almost half of our entire country. And the breakdown shows more women than men struggle with mental health. 51% are women, compared to 37% being men. It also states that 42% of those people are between 18 and 25. That’s significant. Our country is in trouble and every one of us has a job to be aware, listen and encourage those struggling to take steps to get help. 

Like so many others, tWitch was someone who, in public, seemed joyful, energetic, and happy with life. He had a beautiful wife and three adorable kids. He rose to fame on reality TV before landing the DJ spot on The Ellen Degeneres Show. He and Ellen had the best banter, and his social media presence made his life seem practically perfect. 

Our masks

We often find that the image people share on social media or in public is vastly different from the truth outside of the public eye. And you don’t have to be a celebrity to portray a different life than you’re living. People hide behind masks. We all do it. We don’t want others to know the real mess in our lives. The tumultuous marriage, the kid struggling in school, the parent getting sick, the shameful addiction. We want to stay in a bubble where the yucky things in our lives are safely kept behind closed doors so people don’t ask questions or judge us. Because if they knew, they would certainly judge us. 

This is exactly why the #metoo movement was so powerful. When you know someone else is experiencing or struggling with the same thing you are, there’s so much less risk in admitting your struggle. What if we took the #metoo movement and applied it to mental health? It would take away the stigma that people who struggle with mental health are “crazy.” That asking for help is shameful. That meeting with a mental health professional means we need to go to the loony bin. 

Let me tell you, all those things are incredibly false, and yet I have thought every single one of them. 

My struggle

Hi, it’s me, Jenn, and I struggle with depression and anxiety. 

Between June and October, I spent more days in bed than I did experiencing life. 

I had a breakdown and thought scary thoughts that caused my husband to take me to the ER. 

I met with a mental health professional at the hospital and in order to release me that same day, he said I needed to agree to a consultation with a behavioral health group. 

After that consultation, I signed up for a 6-week Intensive Outpatient Program where I learned techniques to help control my depression and anxiety in normal life as well as heightened situations. 

I also met with a Psychiatrist Nurse Practitioner that changed my antidepressants, even adding a second one. These medications help my brain produce serotonin, the “feel good” chemical that helps me feel more focused, emotionally stable, happier, and calmer. They’re necessary because my brain doesn’t produce enough on its own which led to my depression.

The truth about mental health

There’s a huge misunderstanding in our culture that depression is simply “having the blues.” Or that anxiety is simply “being overly worried.” That you should be able to snap out of it (or in some people’s opinion, “pray out of it”) and it’ll go away. Medication be darned. 

Friends, this is simply untrue. Now before I go on, I want to say that I absolutely believe prayer is an incredibly powerful tool. I believe God is able to do ANYTHING, including healing someone of their mental health illness. However, I also believe God led man to create medicine as an instrument for health and wellness. No one would tell a cancer patient not to take chemo if it was their best chance for survival. So why do we have such a hard time seeing mental health medicine as anything other than a necessary tool to help us fight our illness?

I remember feeling so nervous and embarrassed the first time I went on an antidepressant. It felt like a dirty little secret. I didn’t want people to know. I didn’t want people to think I was crazy. But then I was at an event where I spoke with someone my age who happened to share she was on an antidepressant, and all of the sudden it didn’t feel so shameful or embarrassing. If she could be open about it and feel no shame, then I could too! 

And that’s exactly what our country needs to stop the stigma of mental health. It’s risky to be vulnerable. You don’t know how other people are going to react. But once one person is courageous enough to say, “this is my struggle,” more and more people will feel less alone and willing to share their story as well. 

I’m not saying I’m courageous, because writing and posting my story is one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. If it wasn’t for the encouragement of others and the little nudge (ok HUGE push) from God, I would never have the guts to push publish. As I’ve shared tidbits of my struggle with others, I have experienced nothing but affirmation and comments like “oh I struggle with that too,” giving me the strength to continue sharing.

If you struggle with mental health, please, please, please don’t feel alone. You’re not. Some of your close friends or family most likely struggle too. 1 in 5 people struggle with mental health. 

Let’s break the silence on mental health and begin another #metoo movement so that fewer and fewer people experience the bleak desperation that leads to suicide. Every person matters and this world needs who you are. Taking your own life robs the world of your specific star power. (Ok that was cheesy, but ya’ll know what I mean.) 

I started this blog to be one of vulnerability in the hopes of making others feel less alone. In the coming weeks, I’m going to share more about my past year, including how it impacted my family, what it looked like to ask for help, and a look inside an Intensive Outpatient Program, among other topics. These posts are going to be difficult to write, but hopefully some good will come from them. And if no one is impacted, at least it’s therapeutic to write all of this out!

Till next time, 

Jenn

P.S. if you need someone to talk to, I am always available. Or if you have questions or want to know more about a specific aspect of mental health, marriage, or motherhood, please don’t hesitate to email me at hiitsmejennblog @ gmail.com. (Or text me for those of you who have my number.)